Those Nights

'I remember when We used to laugh About nothing at all, It was better than going mad. From trying to solve all the problems we're going through, Forget 'em all. Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall. Together we faced it all. Remember when we'd;
[Chorus:]
Stay up late and we'd talk all night, In a dark room lit by the TV light, Through all the hard times in my life, Those nights kept me alive'

These lyrics are by Skillet – Those nights. Coincidently, this is a song that I sang when I was in year 10 (15 years old) on stage in front of my friends and family along with a school band for my Music Diploma. I could relate to it then and I can relate to it now.  I’ve not listened to this song since I performed it, until tonight. And it’s started to make me think back to the nights that have really kept me strong. Just thinking about ‘those nights’ really does make me feel blessed.

I wanted to take this opportunity to write about some seen as I no longer keep a written journal/diary for numerous reasons.

My first memory will be one of my most recent. Trampoline-ing at 3am in the pouring down rain. Given that I was slightly drunk, I’ve never really experienced something like it. I was with the people I’ve only met once before - That in it’s self is enough to make me smile ; that people I had never met before would talk to me and make me feel involved and comfortable…and I could then hang out with the same people again and feel as though we've gone back years. (I don’t know, I don’t make friends often so everything excites me I guess.) But the night grew later and I was feeling like a little social butterfly as I fluttered between crowd to crowd and talked about life. It got until 3am where I found myself out side in the middle of a thunderstorm with a cigarette, looking up into the sky and getting truly drenched. That was lovely. I was gathering my thoughts and sobering up to the sound of raindrops hitting the glass table top – bliss. But out came a guy that I get on incredibly well with, let’s call him ‘Dylan’. ‘Dylan’ grabbed me by the hand and pulled me across the wet lawn (I wasn’t wearing shoes mind, so my socks clung to my feet like mad) and up onto the trampoline. And we bounced. I don’t know how long for, it felt like forever, but it also felt like it was over too soon. But, hand in hand, we bounced. And bounded. And bounced. We laughed like hell and got soaked through under the early morning rain clouds. Right then is when I could say I felt truly happy. There’s something just so exhilarating about being out in the rain. We fell at one point and just laid there, flat on hour backs, laughing like we had lost all sanity as the rain began to fall on our faces. Yea, I like that memory.

My second will be another late night story with, let’s call him ‘Zack’. We ate curry with my family and sat and talked until it was time for him to get the last bus to the next town along. Long story short, we missed it. Lucky enough, my mother actually likes ‘Zack’ so offered him our spare room for the night. Though instead of going to bed, we stayed up in my downstairs living room with the TV on, talking until 5am. I got excited cause I found that I actually had SkyDisney so all I remember is being sat side by side, completely engrossed in Cinderella. How cute. After that, I fell asleep on his shoulder, and he was too much of a gentleman to wake me up or shove me away. But when I did wake, it was to The Descent where we sat and laughed and made ridiculous running commentaries. The best thing about that night was staying up and talking about anything, everything until the early hours - Just being completely comfortable in someone else’s company.

 A third will be something that’s hard to explain why it was so brilliant. It’s nothing out of the ordinary but it meant the world to me anyway. My parents recently went away for two weeks and left the house and cats for me to look after. I absolutely hate being alone. I don’t know what it is but it just makes me panic-ey and emotional. And my wonderful friend knows this all too well. I love him to bits – let’s call him Alex. He came over numerous days and cooked for me after work…chicken…brisket…you name it. Such a good little cook he is. But some nights, practically for a whole week I think, he stopped over and just kept me company. Being a couple of introverts, it was up our street to sit in with a Chinese, watch films and do nothing all night. One night we sat up and made Cookie Dough Pizza while we watched the amazing Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act. I couldn’t ask for anything better. I will cherish my lazy nights with him for always.

Writing these stories has really brought to light the amazing people in my life. I could never thank my friends enough for being there when I need them. I always make myself think that I have to stand by myself and go through things alone, but when I think back on all my amazing memories and past experiences, it’s really not the case. I’m so blessed and so thankful that I’ve met the people I have and have experienced all these events to date. It’s nights like this that make me take a step back and slap myself for being so closed minded about my problems and issues, because I know I’ve got it a lot better than some people. So if anyone I know does actually read this, I just want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart and that I cherish you beyond belief. 

Mid-Year Fave's

The new ‘Maybelline FITme! Anti-shine stick’

I’ve been testing out different brands of foundation and going from creams, to mousses, to liquids but came across the TV advert for the anti-shine stick at 3am one day. Don’t know what caught my eye about it but I was interested and found myself buying it at Boots a week or so later. I’m incredibly impressed to be honest. It’s small and compact so I can throw it into any of my bags that I take out, because it’s in stick form (much like the consistency of a tube concealer) it’s non-mess and it’s super easy to blend. The colour, surprisingly, blends into my transparent skin tone incredibly well so any of you pale ladies (or gentlemen, I don’t judge), I would really recommend this product to use as a daily foundation.

Got2b powder’ful

For anyone with short layers/short hair especially, this styling product is fab! It’s definitely made hair styling in a morning before work quicker and simpler. Just a little sprinkle, rub it together in your palms and tussle…or sprinkle it straight to your hair and ruffle and walaah! So now my layers are shorter, it’s a great quick fix for my hair, though I did use it when I had longer hair too. You know when you have freshly washed hair and it’s too clean to do anything with? This is great for that. Sprinkle some powder near the routs and backcomb away, brilliant for those flyaway days.

Primark Home scented candle

For £2, I bought a decent sized scented candle from my local Primark. I love candles, I love scented items and I love reasonable prices. So this was great in all senses. I’ve been burning my purple ‘juicy blueberry and blossom’ candle every night before bed for the past couple weeks and my room smells gorgeous and I’ve still got two weeks of use left of use in it at least. I’m a sucker for falling asleep to candlelight (unsafe, I know) and it seems to make sleep come easier and more soothing when it’s to such a lovely smell and a dim glow of a flame.

Lush

I’ve recently become a Lush lover. i went in with a friend one day and sat there with one of the shop assistants for two hours just trying things out and her giving me a hand massage with all the different products that she would recommend for my skin type. It was such a lovely experience. You would think a complete stranger rubbing your hands/arms for hours would be uncomfortable, not at all. Lush is such a friendly place. But I do have some products that I’m in love with so far and

these are:
Angels On Bear Skin – this is a facial cleanser that acts as an exfoliator also. It has a strong smell of lavender, with obvious lavender pieces and it just smells refreshing as heck. It’s not like any kind of cleanser I’ve used before. You have to get a small amount of it in your hand and mix it with water until you get it to a paste like consistency before applying to your face. The promises on the lid are that it will ‘evens out skin tone, reduce redness and improves health and appearance of your skin, giving it a natural healthy glow’ and I totally agree. Does everything it says it will, and more – my skin got so soft after using it
Rehab – this is a shampoo which is definitely called rehab for a reason. It’s done wonders for my chemically damaged hair and it’s given my head a lot of life back. It’s a god send and I’m so glad I got recommended it. It’s got a minty type smell and it leaves your hair feeling healthy and shiny.  A definite re-buy and I highly recommend it to anyone who’s got dead or damaged hair – it’s a miracle shampoo.

Retread – ‘a heavier weight conditioner that is there for you in times of trouble’ ; ‘drive your hair in for some serious breakdown recovery. This conditioner is a pit stop for your hair’. Again, I completely agree with the labelling, everything in Lush seems to be described perfectly on the tubs. This conditioner (used alongside my Rehab shampoo) is bloody wonderful and makes my hair feel like silk

Skeleton Hair Clips

I kept seeing these around tumblr constantly and I loved them. So I bought some from a seller on ebay and they’re wonderful. And I love them to pieces. I think look fantastic and they just add something to your hair. I really enjoyed wearing them around work.

Life Is Short

It appears that everything always comes together. Once I hear one thing, then I keep hearing it. Just like when I got my job in the Innovation Team, I kept hearing the word innovation constantly – that example is quite similar to the topic I chose to write about.

                Just recently it’s really coming to light that life really is short. It’s been a year and a half since I left education, a year into my full time job and less than a month until I’m 18. This is a big shock for me as every day seemed to drag and time would move so slowly for me. I used to count down the time until I could get back into bed again and even that felt more like five days, not five hours. Now I complain more about there not being enough hours in the day and everything is passing me by so quickly. That in its self was enough to give me a kick up the arse to start making the most of the time I have on this earth.

                Though there was a few other things that made me change my mind set. I’m making the most of things, keeping myself happy and making sure the things I do are for my own benefit, no one else’s. And these changes were made from the words of a few people. First of being my mum. She’s in the south of France currently, and if you knew her well enough then you’d know that this isn’t out of the ordinary. I make a joke to her that England is more like a holiday seen as she’s never in her home country. She enjoys her holidays and so she should with the stressful job that she has. When she told me she was leaving for two weeks, we got into conversation and one thing she said stuck with me most

                ‘You don’t live long and you only live once, it’s best to make the most of it because you’ll never know when your chances are up’

                Hearing this on a Tuesday morning at 8am set me going through the whole day.  What IF I was to be put on my deathbed tomorrow, would I be happy to have the ‘life flashing before my eyes’ moment? Would I be happy with what I saw? And it got me thinking, I have spent a lot of my time doing things that I thought other people wanted me to do or doing things purposely to make other people smile. It’s all well and good wanting to do the right thing for others, but I then realised how little time I actually spent putting myself first and doing things that made me happy. That had to change.

                The next person that spoke within the same week (two days later in fact) on the same subject was one of the Board of Directors to the company I work for. We’ve just taken on a group of 17 apprentices and they had a one to one session with this guy to ask him questions, learn about the company and to learn how he had climbed the ranks as he started in the same position as the apprentices all those years ago. The last question that someone asked was

‘Would you change anything?’

And I have to tell you that his response was the most inspiring thing I’ve heard in those four walls.

                ‘Well son, there’s three parts to that answer. The first, I’m a man of no regrets. I don’t believe in them. Everything I’ve done has made me the man I am and got me here today. The second, if I HAD to change anything it would be to make more time for the things I loved. I wanted to be a pilot…and it took me until a few years ago to finally put my foot forward and take lessons and now I can fly solo. I wish I would have done that sooner, but I still ended up doing it anyway. And the last, I’ve only ever done the things that made me happy. Life is too short to be miserable, and that’s where your regrets come from – being miserable. The best advice I can give you, if anything, is to make sure you’re happy. If you’re happy then you’ve succeeded’.

Ridiculous Life Observations

1.       A.) Explaining Why You’re Dressed Up

When I was in full cosplay the other week for Comicon, the amount of people who gave me and my friends that ‘look’. I don’t even have to describe it, you’ll all know what kind of look I mean when I say that I was walking through busy streets in a brightly coloured Sailor Scout Uniform with a tall boy with a giant rainbow hammer. See what I mean? But really, did it NEED explaining that we were doing this for a reason and didn’t just wonder round like this on an everyday basis? I wasn’t so bothered about the people who were lovely and approached us with a smile and asked what event we were going to, at least those people understood that we were going somewhere. But the disapproving looks on people’s faces at us as a group for looking different. Which brings me to…so what? What if I did walk around as an anime super hero every day of the week? I don’t see how anyone should disapprove seen as A)it’s nothing to do with them. B)I’m not hurting anyone. C)it’s just clothing. There’s nothing wrong with looking or being differed than the norm.

1         B.) Being Judged On Clothing

I think a big reason on why we have uniforms in the majority of schools here in England is for this big worry of bullying. If someone doesn’t have the best clothes, or the best shoes, or a new bag then we’ll all instantly turn on each other and beat the crap out of people for the clothes we wear. One thing there is WE DO THAT ANYWAYS. Bullying can happen for all sorts of reasons, and isn’t escalated purely on the way someone looks. People can be targeted for their sexuality, their learning abilities, their family, their beliefs…our society picks things out whether you’re in a uniform or not. My actual point on this one, though, is how material objects such as clothing seems to be so important in the 21^st century. We judge people on how they dress, what labels they’re wearing, where they bought their clothes. Why? How can you make an accurate judge of character by just looking at someone? You can’t. I don’t give a crap what I wear as long as I’m comfortable. Yes, sometimes I want to look nice but that’s for myself and not because I want to ‘fit in’ or be thought more highly of. I care more about what’s in a person’s mind than what covers their skin.

 1         C.) Dresses Are For Girls

Come to think of it, why do we have items of clothing that are only suitable for one gender? In essence, all pieces of clothing are made to do the same job, but just because they look different, they are deemed socially unacceptable. Why can’t a guy wear a skirt or a dress?(other than in Scotland where they’ve adapted them in to a Kilt, but even then they have to be a certain way to be acceptable) I would have thought a dress or skirt would be very practical for a guy in summer so he can get a bit of fresh air to his…areas. I thought we could have got past this type of mind-set as a race by now and had an even higher sense of equality among women and men. Apparently not. 

 2         Boobs
It seems as though everyone has an issue with boobs (okay, maybe not everyone). But they’re everywhere. You can’t go a day without seeing them, and I’m not meaning ‘it doesn’t count if you don’t see nipple’ rule…as in you can tell a woman has boobs even if she’s in a turtle neck sweater. Let’s face it, most women in this world have them. Big, Small, Pert, Droopy…it’s a fact of life, we’re born to be like that. Yet they’re such a taboo. If it’s a hot day, it’s perfectly fine for a guy to whip his shirt off, yet if a woman was to do the same to cool off then that would be deemed as inappropriate. Bit of a double standard guys. These natural features of a woman that are there to serve a purpose in child care have been over sexualised to heck. I have a photo in which I’m  in a summer dress, given I have a little bit of cleavage (well who would want to wear something up to the neck in a heat wave), but I’ve had one mindless arse  say ‘put your boobs away’ in the comments. For one, they are away as I’m wearing a dress, for two…I can’t help that you can see the top of my bosom, I’m a woman, I have boobs, I can’t take them off – this goes for all other women too.
              I just wanted to put my views out there about breast feeding in public as well. I don’t see why not. A baby needs feeding, and as mother, you have his/her meal ready to go where ever you are. To me that’s pretty cool, it’s basically like having a walking ready meal for a child, how fabulous are women for being able to do this! It shouldn’t offend anyone as the human form is the most natural thing in this world, as well as considering the fact that SHE IS FEEDING A BABY! A baby needs to be fed to live, so people who have a problem with a woman breast feeding on a park bench, for example, are basically having a problem with a baby receiving vital nutrients. We have boobs, stop being immature and deal with it.

3         A.)Seeing Animated Films Over The Age Of 12
There’s always a somewhat uncomfortable eye contact between you, the 17 and 19 year old that has just walked into the cinema, and the parent(s) there with their children under the age of 10. This happened to me and a friend last night as we went to watch Despicable Me 2 (awesome film I may add). Even though I will happily sit and watch animated films/cartoons in the comfort of my own home all day long…doing this in public while not accompanied with a child under the age of 12 automatically makes it a little awkward. Is this just me? I mean, if I did the exact same thing but brought along my 7 year old sister then it would have just seemed normal and no one probably would have looked up. But me (especially having forgotten to take off my work ID so couldn’t be mistaken as a child) and my friend from Uni walking into this screening was the strangest experience. I would like to keep hold of my youth as long as possible, thanks. I have a love for cartoons and I don’t think that’s going away any time soon. I like being young, and Disney/Pixar films are something I will cling onto with an iron grip because they remind me of my childhood.

 3.       B.)Going To The Cinema Alone
It’s not illegal to go to the cinema alone, so why does no one do it? even I’m thinking that the idea of sitting in a movie theatre all on my tod would be un-nerving. It just not the done thing. I’ll walk round the park on my own, I’ll go shopping on my own, but I won’t go watch a film on my own. And sometimes I miss seeing a film because no one will come with me. So why did I never just go see it anyway? I’ve not got much more to say on this one. Was just curious. Maybe I should set this as a task for myself to do and experience what it’s like to go to a film alone. Rebel.

If anyone has any opposing views to anything I’ve said, please…challenge me. I would love to understand the way another mid works about the things I’ve picked out. Equally, if you agree, tell me that too.