Short Arse

Lately it’s been quite apparent that I’ve not been feeling too great. I’ve not had the effort / energy to do anything that I wanted to do (including keeping this blog updated) and even started feeling crap about things that have never bothered me before. For example…my height.

                From the bi-line of my blog, ‘the world from a 5ft1 point of view’…you can see how short I am. I had my last growth spurt when I was in primary school, so around 11 or 12. I’ve not grown since. Kind of grew at one point, I was once 5 foot 2. And then I shrunk. Both times I’ve been measured by a doctor and I lost an inch between visits. Even the doctor was confused on this.

                Being so small makes things a little…I wouldn’t say difficult…but more of an inconvenience. At work, most of my colleagues are a good foot taller than me, so this means I can’t reach the coffee cups, or the milk if they put it in the top fridge, or to look in the meeting room books… I’ve gone around the whole office and accommodated it to my height. I’ve moved the printer screen down ; I’ve moved the mugs to somewhere I can reach ; I’ve put the extra tea bags in the bottom cupboard instead of on top of the fridge. I’m probably driving all the tall people insane. I even have my own special chair. True story…I had to have a new chair ordered for me because my legs are too short and it would have affected my posture…with a foot stool…cause I can’t reach the floor. TINY LEGS!

                After having a giggle about how absurd it is that I have a special chair for my tiny legs, I have started to look in the mirror and resent how short my legs are. That I can’t go to the shop and buy a pair of pants of leggings without having to get them altered before I wear them…or in the same way…my arms are short to the point that ‘3/4 length sleeves’ are still too long for my arms. In a fashion way, it really is a pain in the backside. But also with weight and body shape. I know full well that if I was a half a foot taller…I’d be a few dress sizes less. That my body fat would be distributed differently and I would appear slimmer. It really has put a downer on me being happy with my body, and I don’t actually know how or what brought this on.

                So I thought that it’s about time I snapped out of it. so for a start, I thought….why not find short role models. And to my surprise there’s quite a few. Just for those people who are interested too…I’ll put some names out there:

Scarlett Johansson – this is one of the most beautiful women, in my opinion, that there is. And she is just under 5’3.

Christina Aguilera is at a height of 5’2

And some of the beautiful women that are the same height as me include the likes of Hayden Panettiere, Hilary Duff, Eva Longoria, Jessica Simpson and the Olsen Twins.

                I don’t know why, but looking at these women and knowing they’re the same height as I am (or around the same height) started to make me a feel a little bit better about how short I am. Possibly because there is some of the most beautiful, talented bunch of ladies that are named to be the under 5’5. Is this part of the whole ‘media and body image’ issue again? Am I subconsciously wanting to be taller just because that’s what I see on tv? I don’t know. I did get turned down for a modeling job not long ago for being too short – even though it was an ad for short women… (too short for a short ad….how does that work?) they told me I needed to be at least five foot five to be considered. Well then. That might have been the start of this irrational body hate towards myself. All I know is that it’s silly and I need to start embracing my short legs.  

Body Image

So there’s something that has been playing on my mind for years. Body Image. And the thing is, I know I’m never going to be 100% confident with what I’ve got, but what I’ve got is the only thing I’m ever going to have – so why mope about it? I’m never going to be 5ft7, all legs with the ever so famous ‘thigh gap’, beautifully long hair and size 6 – it’s just never going to happen! What I have got is stumpy legs giving me the height of 5ft1, hair that is so dead from damage that it just breaks off every now and again, and a bit of a belly on me. Make the most of it, right?
       From a very young age, I’ve been conscious about my body and HATED the way I looked – and that’s not an over statement. I remember one day when I was in year six (aged 10) when we were sorting out costumes for our end of year play. There were silk skirts of all sizes and I instantly went for the largest one and said ‘well what’s the point in trying to squeeze into them, I’m fat so need this one’. And that was age ten, my god. But the insecurity followed me all the way through my high school, trying to diet constantly and putting myself down about weight. I was never bullied, though. No-one was making me feel this way or teased me to make me feel bad about it, I did it to myself.
        From the ages of ten to now, I’ve tried different diets, different methods and nothing has really worked for me. Most of the things I’ve tried has probably harmed me in some way: not eating enough, replacing meals with shakes and so on. I’m sick of it now if I’m honest.
         There has been two things that have sort of worked for me and I shall go into more detail about them. First off was Herbalife. Herbalife is this nutritional diet that you replace your meals with. It’s full of all the protein and vitamins you need and it’s worked for so many people. I tried it for a little while and I instantly saw changes. I lost nine pounds in the space of a week – I was ecstatic! I loved how I was losing weight but quickly got tired of the replacement milkshakes I had to drink instead of food. Having only two flavours to vary with, I got sick of the taste and was craving crap food constantly. I don’t have the best will power in the world so slowly started bringing more food into my diet – don’t get me wrong, the diet and everything is brilliant and works for so many people that I know, but I did try my best to keep going. Though after a visit to the doctors, I was told to stop doing the diet immediately as  the supplements in it were having negative effects with a health condition I have. The iodine in vitamin pills were bad for my thyroid.
               I have a thyroid condition named Hypothyroidism. This means my thyroid is underactive, having nock on effects in the rest of my body. The thyroid produces a hormone that regulates other hormones in the body, so as mine is underactive, my hormones weren’t regulated. My immune system was down, my metabolism was incredibly low and I was getting little or no ‘happy hormones’. I found out about my thyroid condition through blood test for something else, and was quickly put on medication. I now have to take medication for the rest of my life on a daily basis to keep my thyroid regulated. As soon as I started taking the meds, I started to lose weight somewhat instantly without changing any part of my life – I didn’t exercise more, I didn’t cut down calories, it just happened. Now I seem to have hit a barrier where I’m not naturally losing weight so am having to put more effort in.
             The thing that gets me now though, is why do I feel the pressure to lose weight in the first place? And I think the media is to blame. Why shouldn’t I be happy with my size 14-16? The average size of a woman in the UK is 16, I’m pretty much that size yet I feel the need to be thinner. I think it’s disgusting the way this message gets into little girls heads. The idea of my seven year old sister not wanting to eat so she can be as thin as the character in her favourite TV show horrifies me. Why can we not have a varied image base in magazines and on tv? I would be far more likely to buy a magazine if there was a curvier women on the front. There’s also naturally skinny girls out there who find it hard to put weight on who should see people there size too.  So it shouldn’t be one or the other that we see, we should see a mixture of all shapes and sizes and get out of the awful habit we’re in of forcing girls – subconsciously – to be an unrealistic idea of perfect.