Regrets?

If there was a re-do button for situations in life, would you chose to do it? I don’t know, it’s something I wonder about. ‘if I had done that…what would have happened’. I realise that focusing on the ‘if’s’ is a very harmful thing to do – it stops you from moving forward if you’re too concerned about what could have been. But sometimes it’s nice to dream, right.

at prom - me on the right

         One thing I would change if I could would have been Prom. It’s a lot bigger in the USA than it is over here but gosh, did my year get excited about it. Well everyone apart from me. I didn’t even think I was going to go in the first place, but after a lot of conversations with friends…I finally gave in. I didn’t bother buying a dress, or getting my hair and make-up done professionally or anything along those lines. I just pulled out a dress I wore at a wedding earlier that year, used the same make-up I always did and turned up. Everyone looked amazing and you could see all the effort that had gone into how they looked, but it really just wasn’t my thing. I didn’t get professional pictures taken like most, I didn’t eat anything and I didn’t stay all that long either. I wasn’t a moody-bum all evening, I had a smile on my face and a talked and danced with friends – but left early, went to home to get in my PJ’s and ordered a take-away.  

          What I’m saying is, instead of not really caring about the whole charade, I’ve gotten to a point now where I wish I had chance to dress up and look like a princess and spend time with close friends. And the best time for that would be Prom. It makes me feel a little sad when I see the year bellow me uploaded pictures of their dresses that they’re going to wear and getting all excited. I had my time and I blew it. I guess I’ll just have to have a big fancy 18^th birthday bash to make up for it, right?!

even the smell of vodka makes me gip now

       Other things I’d change are the obvious – those nights where you’ve gotten completely blathered to the point you’ve either passed out and don’t remember anything or done something stupid as hell. I’ll tell you what, I can’t look at vodka the same any more – everyone has that one drink right? Let’s just say I thought I was bigger than I was, so drank straight vodka at an alarming rate, and ended up falling all over my kitchen – apparently while still trying to convince my mum I was sober. Safe to say I don’t remember much of that night. I regret drinking that much because god knows what would have happened to me. I could have been murdered or assaulted and I wouldn’t have been any wiser. One thing I am incredibly grateful for was my amazing friends who got me home in one piece and wouldn’t let anything happen to me – I still don’t think they realise how much that meant to me. One good thing that came out of it, though, is it’s genuinely put me off drinking for life. It’s three years on nearly, and I haven’t drank alcohol the same since – the thought of ending up like the last time haunts me so I definitely stick to my limits!

        Though saying all this, I’m now going to completely contradict myself. I’m a firm believer in that things happen for reasons. And things are meant to be how they happen. So everything that I’ve done wrong or done well have made me the way I am today. Who knows how different my situation would be if I had made different choices in life. I’m pretty content with the way things are and I don’t think I’d change that for the world.